Oracle
I’ve been reading some old books again here recently.
One of my favorite authors is R.A. Salvatore. He’s a fantasy and sometimes science fiction/fantasy author who choreographs great fight scenes and epic tales of heroism and character building depth.
I was turned on to him by my Mother on Accident – Most people know of him for his work in the Forgotten Realms Fantasy Series. He’s known as the Father of the Drow – One of his most famous characters is “Dritzzt Do’urden”, a Drow Ranger. Using this character, and several books, he crafted the Underdark of Faerun.
I discovered him through his own independent work, however. He started a series called, “The Demonwars Saga”. Three books that detailed a few characters in a world he crafted with his own hands. I read the second book in the series in 2002, on a trip to Louisville Kentucky for an FFA event.
It would be about a year before I would pick up the other two books and read them, ironically on another trip – This time to Washington DC.
The main character, if there is one, would be Elbryan Wyndon. He’s a “Ranger” crafted to be the very depths of a Hero. Cunning, Courageous, a man that leans on his friends and understands his weaknesses – Though after years of training and work. He is not perfect, and he is not overly flawed. He’s a well balanced character.
He uses a ‘magic’ called Oracle, where he sits alone with his thoughts and communicates with his ‘dead uncle’. His Dead Uncle never speaks to him, so Elbryan is left to sort out his own answers while speaking aloud in a dark cave, or a hole under a tree.
He finds that by talking, he can come to great wisdom that he merely needed to hear in order to access. This is how he allays several of his fears, and even some of his biggest decisions. He recognizes, sometimes quite by accident, that his path is different from what he planned.
In this, I can find recognition, for reading over old musings, or re-examining older thoughts of mine, I find how differently things are in my life now, or how those thoughts lead me on the path that I am now on.
How different, for example, would my life be if I never discussed Jenn in my most private of conversations- If I hadn’t wondered about the course of my relationship with Michaele? If I hadn’t, in a heart-broken rage, yelled about Christine C, or argued with myself over leaving the latest temptress of my heart behind?
If I hadn’t spent hours wondering about the time when I was practically homeless, living from friend’s couch to friend’s couch?
How different would I be today if I hadn’t taken the time to search inside my mind for what I felt, and verbalized, (or externalized, as this writing shows,) those deeper flaws in my life?
I find I am a better person for the different struggles I have faced. Without them, baring the last relationship, I wouldn’t be where I am now. If I hadn’t fought with Jenn, I wouldn’t have lost my job. Without Michaele’s cheating, I may have remained complacently spun. Without Christine’ C.’s honesty, however painful, I never would have met so many others who were so strongly influential in my life. Even the ones I am not proud of, (Kat and the Latest Flame) have changed me in ways that I am still learning to accept.
Without them, I could never be so honest with myself, knowing there are people who read this, such as Raz, who discuss what I write with others to better understand me.
I take this with me into my regular life as well, for honesty doesn’t mean speaking without thought – A subject that was broached at work today. I asked a senior tech if he wanted to become a supervisor. His response, completely honest and with barely a thought involved marked him as one that would probably never be promoted.
“Yeah, I think it would be a blast to have a group of my own.”
I carefully picked my words in reply; I did not want this to be a possibly wasted opportunity.
I say that because I felt that I had a better grasp of what it meant to work in part of a larger machine. To be a cog, with a place to fit, and a job to do.
“If you didn’t take such a laid back approach with the team, and sometimes took a few seconds to think about what you’re saying instead of spouting off whatever hits your sleeve first, you would probably be a supervisor.”
The answer was not, perhaps, what he wanted to hear. I could see in him the change immediately, from a simple conversation to a defense of his very ideology and it was then that I was sure he wouldn’t become a supervisor, or anything higher than a senior tech.
“That doesn’t fit who I am. That doesn’t fit me. I’ve played those games they play in that office, and theirs is a thankless job. Nobody in there gets thanked. They don’t own their work. What they do belongs to a nameless VP. When they see a storm coming, they say, ‘Lets not tell anyone.’ I am down here in the trenches with you. When I see a storm coming, I pop my head up and say, ‘Hey. Storm’s coming.’ I own my work out here. When I get on the phone with a customer, they aren’t getting some VP who they won’t remember. They’re getting me, and they will remember my name and that I am the one that helped them.”
In thinking about his statements at the time, I had mentioned that someone else would just claim credit for his hard work; that he didn’t really own his work because someone else would take credit for it.
I think, however, I had misunderstood what he was saying. In truth, he was merely explaining in specific depth why he was not prepared for a job as a supervisor.
My old Boss, (One of many in this business,) had introduced me to an idea called “Servant Leadership”. It is often tied closely with Christianity, as it espouses many of the same principles, and tenets.
Servant Leadership is about recognizing that you aren’t better than your ‘employees’. You’re there to support them. To facilitate their enjoyment of work. Making sure that they enjoy their time in their job, and that they are prepared. Often times, you shoulder a heavy burden for them, without ever letting them know.
My new Boss wrote us an E-Mail today, saying, “Your Employees don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” I’m slowly coming to accept this sort of change in my own person, and in the way I approach my job.
The Senior Tech in question, by way of his response, has not. From the energy I felt him put into his statement, to the very words he chose, I can now see that he is more interested in personal development and being ‘the guy’ that solves the problem.
And there is nothing wrong with that kind of pride. It just doesn’t fit well into a thankless, corporate structure at all. It isn’t in everyone’s blood to be able to give everything they have and not get personal acknowledgement for it. To not receive gratitude for their contributions.
Perhaps that is why it is hard for some people to make anonymous donations… They want to be thanked, and possibly thanked publicly for their contributions.
~James C.
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