I’ve practiced this for hours, gone ‘round and round.
I don’t see you every day, anymore. I don’t talk to you much at all, actually.
Yet there remains a tangible feeling of you being in my life.
And I miss having you around. The sound of your voice, late at night, laying in bed. The times we spent talking about nothing at all until you passed out. Staying up late just so I could catch your attention for a few minutes before you fell asleep.
Then everything broke, and I have to admit that was my fault completely.
And now I think that I’ve got it all down.
But then, I have had to ask myself if that was such a bad thing? We were destructive, you and I. Amazing together, in many ways, but so very wrong for each other! You, with your impish ways, me with my jealousy… It was no surprise that we wouldn’t work out.
You, of course, had the foresight to understand that things between us could never work. Maybe our chemistry burned to hot for us, or maybe it wasn’t hot enough, I don’t know.
You often times pretended that you didn’t care, though I think I’ve come to know you well enough over time to understand your lies for what they were – A way to protect yourself from saying aloud what was in your heart.
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds.
I can’t blame you for that. To say something as simple as, “I care about you,” gives someone else a huge amount of power over you. I know, I gave that power to you. To your credit you didn’t ever try to hurt me with that power. Which is surprising, knowing you, and a big credit in your favor, as I know how you’ve handled that sort of power in the past.
Cause I’m not takin’ the easy way out!
Now I’m sitting here, not sure where to go. You’ve been a big part of my life for so long that I can’t rightly consider where to go in my future, since things aren’t the way I thought they could be.
Of course, that doesn’t mean I won’t push forward anyway. This is, as much as it is anything else, a way for me to come to terms with a situation that I have ignored for months now. An attempt to recognize what happened, and how we got where we are today.
Not wrappin’ this in ribbons
And so I try to give the absolute most honest truth I can, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job thus far.
Shouldn’t have to give a reason why.
It’s no surprise that I miss you sometimes. I think you’ve probably missed me, too. I don’t know that for sure, though. I hope when you look back on our time together, you remember the fondest times moreso than when we were bitter and mean.
The barbs we knew how to throw were tipped by knowing the other so well, yet we, neither one, knew the other half as well as we could have if we’d just stopped bickering and trying to protect ourselves from being hurt, or hurting the other.
But then, I guess things wouldn’t have worked out for the best, would they?
Its no surprise I won’t be here tomorrow. I can’t believe that I stayed ‘til today. Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow. And I know in time we’ll find this was no surprise.
Day 2 of my vacation I didn’t do much of anything. Well, I went to the movies. Terminator: Salvation, was pretty good. There were some bad parts in it, (Like Dropping Connor into the Ocean from over 100 feet; he would have been splattered.) and a few other scenes that were poorly done.
There were a few parts that were really well done, though. A lot of the action sequences, as well as the story overall. This was before John Connor became the leader of the resistance, and I’m sure we’re going to get another sequel out of this, detailing a time-travel sequence. Hopefully the cast returns for that sequel.
Day 3 we went back to the lake later in the day. It was me, Eric, Emily and Steve. We spent an hour or so in the water, maybe two. Unlike the first day, there was nobody there, really, so it was nice and relaxing.
We went out to get dinner at Dairy Queen after that, where I inadvertently knocked my soda into Steve and Emily. They weren’t pleased with me, but they took it in good stride. I took Eric home, then went over to my sister’s to see Julian. I’ve done this every night, and I was there until around 7 AM I think. Then I came home and took a nap.
Day 4 was boring. I sat at home and from 7:20PM to 8:00PM I drank 700ml of Alcohol. This apparently upset a few people, and made a few other people amused. All in all it was mostly fun, but I don’t want to do it again.
I waited about 4 hours before I grabbed my keys and went for a drive. I got to my Sister’s and immediately got a call from a friend of mine. Spent an hour talking to her, then went and slept a bit on my sister’s couch. She called again after an hour and a half, and we spoke for a bit before she went to bed. The entire experience was enlightening, and I’ve never felt so bad for not being able to do more for someone.
There was a fight in the past 3 days, somewhere. I think it was on Day 4, and I’m still trying to reconcile that, but otherwise my vacation has been mostly positive. My batteries are re-charged and I think I can go back to work with an upbeat and positive attitude.
Today’s the last day of my vacation, and I think I’m going to go see Angels and Demons to finish it off.
So I’ve decided that I’m taking a vacation off of work, and it officially started yesterday morning.
I didn’t get much sleep, as is usual on my days off. After I got off of work on Saturday, I went straight to my sister’s house to spend time with my new puppy. (zomg he is so cute, look!)
That was taken this morning before I came home. Anyway, I went over to my sister’s house and played with my puppy. Then I came home and talked with people online. Around 7 or so my roommate woke up, and we had a 3 hour long discussion about the yard and what she wants to do with the house.
She accused me of having no design/landscaping instincts, and that wanting just one type of grass was ridiculous. (She likes our yard as-is, apparently, and it looks like crap… I think I’m going to just till the yard one day and then sew some real grass.)
I was getting extremely tired so I took a nap around 10 or 11; just before my alarm went off. I got up a few minutes before 12, (short nap,) and lounged in the living room for an hour, almost asleep the entire time. (I managed to get a few good sarcastic remarks in.)
Both Roommates were complaining about being hungry, but I wanted to go see my puppy, so around 13:30 I made them hop in my car. I bought’em lunch at Dairy Queen and spent about an hour or so playing with Julian. He passed out in Pat’s arms, (she’s the main roommate,) and his head lolled around in various cute ways that looked very awkward.
After that we stopped off for soda at the Gas Station, (Jones, of course!) and headed home.
We got home around 15:30 or so, and I hopped online to relax and tell people I’d been playing with my Puppy. I got a text from Steve, (best friend) that said, “Wanna go to the lake?”
It was hot outside, so I said sure. Headed out, bought some swim trunks, drinks, sunscreen and snacks, then headed up to the Lake with him and his Girlfriend. (It was an awkward trip; luckily, I drove myself.)
We stayed there for a few hours, went ‘lake diving’, which is really just seeing how low you can go under the water before the pressure gets to be too much for you. My pressure clocks in around 20 feet; it was hard to breath on the surface for a while after that!
The drive home was uneventful, and I was supposed to have dinner with them, but we all went our separate ways when we were told the restaurant that we wanted to go to was closed. I went over to my Sister’s house and played with my puppy s’more.
By this time I was pretty tired, but I didn’t take a nap. Instead, I played with Julian, (trying to bond as much as I can with him! He’s already attached!) and then we went to the store for drinks. (They didn’t want what I had.)
I picked up a bottle of rum, some soda, and then some chicken fingers from Burger King. Unfortunately, it seemed that around this point, (close to midnight) everyone was too tired to really do any drinking, (so the bottle went unopened) and they went to bed. I watched “My Bloody Valentine” because I’m not used to going to bed until around 04:00 most days. With how tired I was, I managed a nap around 02:00
I woke up to a few text messages sent, one from Twitter when Lothus went to bed, (02:45) and one from a girl named Brittany about 20 minutes later.
I passed back out without responding to either of them, as they were pointless text messages. Brittany would have required an actual conversation, which I didn’t have energy for. Besides, I didn’t want to argue about some trivial thing with her for a while, like she normally wants to do.
I was awoken again by a text message over an hour later. It was from a close friend of mine, who I’ve been wanting to actually talk with for a while.
We talked for almost an hour before my phone battery died. We would have talked for well over an hour if it hadn’t. Talking to them made me want to get in my car today and go see them. I’m on vacation, so I might just do that.
Now I’m home. It’s 08:30 almost, and I’m just now finishing up this log of my first day of Vacation. I hope the second day is just as full. If I don’t go see my friend, I might head off to the movies so I can see Angels and Demons, or maybe Terminator: Salvation.
An Aside that only a few people will understand:
A line drawn in the sand is permeable. Something I discovered last night, I think, is that the line is easily re-drawn no matter where you’re standing, when it was drawn, or why it was drawn. Things change constantly… And maybe you just don’t understand that a line wasn’t being drawn; it was a map.
As a precursor, I have not seen the movie yet. I picked up the Book “Angels and Demons” after reading a book recommended to me by a co-worker named Teresa.
The book I read before Angels and Demons was called Deception Point. You followed the story of an NRO agent who was brought in by the President of the United States to help verify some information about a meteorite. As a reader, you knew there was going to be something really special about this meteorite because she knows nothing about meteorites.
She gets flown to the North Pole with a (not surprisingly) attractive man who later becomes the (obvious) love interest. The book is sparked with comedic relief in several ways, most notably by an old pal of the secondary main character, who is, if I recall correctly, a physicist. One of the premiere in his field.
If you’ve never heard of the Milne Shelf, (and I doubt most people have; I was vaguely familiar with it when I read the name in the book,) I think you’ll like the setting. While the book is about United States citizens, I believe most of the book, (Certainly the longest period of time for the characters,) is spent in Canada.
There are a few twists added into this book that I appreciated. One thing Dan Brown does when writing, (or, at least, what he did in the two books I’ve read that he wrote,) is he makes the story take place over the course of one or two days. It lends a sort of fast-paced excitement to books that are 500 to 800 pages each.
The Main Character is the daughter of The President’s primary foe for the upcoming election. The entire story weaves in such a way that the balance of who seems to be ‘winning’ shifts several times.
The ending wasn’t a real surprise to me. By the time we got to it, there were only a handful of characters that could have been holding the playing cards. In the two books I’ve read by Dan Brown, I’ve noticed that, whoever the Characters think is responsible for what is going on are not responsible at all, and are usually innocent. In this book, he managed to throw suspicion around to everyone and make it so that you wouldn’t know, for certain, who was responsible until they revealed themselves. It was very well done. I recommend Deception Point to anyone who knows how to read.
Insofar as Angels and Demons go, we get to follow the Illustrious and brilliant Mr. Robert Langdon on a trip through Rome.
The detail and intricacies of this story, including the pieces of artwork that were put into the book, (They are Ambigrams, for those who are curious.) are all well done. I was surprised at how deep the plot went, and I was actually expecting a similar ending to Deception Point when I was nearing the end of the book.
I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered that this was not the case. To be honest, the “bad guy” wasn’t that big of a surprise to me, it was, instead, the motivation behind that particular “bad guy”, and how tragically he had fallen from the grace of his own God, whom he was trying to serve, that astounded me. In a few pages, the entire book seemed to change and I was pleased with the overall story.
I can safely say, after having read two of Dan Brown’s books, I will be pleased to read more of them. Angels and Demons netted him another fan.
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