Someone I know died the other day. I just found out.

I’m not particularly sad.

I didn’t know them very well, so I don’t feel bad about that.

A ‘friend’ of mine knew them well, though. (I use the term friend loosely here.)

I debated internally for over five minutes trying to decide whether or not telling them was the right thing to do.

I know it shouldn’t be a big decision, right? Their friend died, so not telling them is just being cruel and unkind to them. (Anyone who knows me knows that I can easily be both at a moment’s notice.)

I hesitated because she’s apparently going through a rough spot with her mother right now, (some internal-family thing that I decided I wasn’t going to get into.)

The other thing is, she just got herself somewhat out of a self destructive cycle, and I’m not sure if yet another friend’s death would push her back over the edge. She’s so independent that she refuses to lean on anyone, or grab an outstretched hand when she slips.

As a result, she falls, and she falls hard, until she hits bottom.

But I sent her a text and told her to get in touch with me. I’ll tell her that her friend is dead.

Then I can look for something else to do.

So I was thinking today about love, being with someone in specific, and maybe even the idea that life is never what we want the first time around.

This was sparked by the revelation that Someone I enjoy spending time with does drugs.

Now, I don’t know this person that well, but if there is one thing I do, it is overthink everything. Remember thatwhile reading this.

Do you settle for someone that isn’t perfect? You could grow to love the person and their faults over time. This happens to some extent or another with everyone. Nobody, afterall, is perfect.

Where is the cut off line, though? How much of ourselves do we need to change in an attempt to.be happy with another person?

Unfortunately, there are no rules for this sort of thing. What about big things, like drug abuse or alcoholism? Maybe they use sporadically. Does that make it something you can overlook?

What if you do settle and then meet the dream? Do you drop the other person?

This is what keeps me up at night. =p

Tags: choosing, fate, life, love, sex, time, waiting, wanting

Listening To: Avarice, by Disturbed.

So I was thinking earlier today.

I know, that’s the most shocking thing I’ve ever written, amirite?

Anyway, I was thinking about life, and how it ends, and how, if that’s it, it seems pretty pointless to spend your whole life going around wondering about what you want to do and who you want to be.

Or who you want to spend your time with.

Of course, I might not feel the same way tomorrow, which is why I haven’t acted on this thought yet. I’d like to mull it over, get a good sense of what I think before I start making random changes to my life that could end up being catastrophic.

Of course, given my current way of thinking, those changes wouldn’t really be catastrophic. They’d just change things. Change is good, right?

Currently Listening To: The Reason, by Hoobastank.

Maybe. Maybe not. I’d like to have the best quality of life I possibly can, and in order to do that, I want to make the best possible decisions. Those take time to come up with.

Currently Listening to: Stupify by Disturbed.

In my attempt to come up with those decisions, though, it is very possible to miss out on opportunities that present themselves. For example, lets say you’re talking with a gorgeous member of whatever gender you prefer.

You’re talking with them. You really like them. You should probably tell them.

While you’re busy deciding whether or not to tell them, while y’all are being close and affectionate, they leave. Mood broken. When you see’em next, they’re in a different mood, and now the ability to tell them is gone.

Missed Opportunity.

But you might have avoided a catastrophe too.

Maybe when we go to make risks, we need to be prepared to follow through with the consequences, or repercussions, good or bad.

Currently Listening To: Believe it or Not by Nickleback.

Maybe you shouldn’t tell someone you care for them unless you’re prepared for them to say they don’t care about you the same way.

I can’t see that being a very rewarding life, though. I think that taking risks sometimes, leaping without looking, gives us the rush that makes life so worth living. Sometimes we fall, and it hurts. But sometimes we fly, and that’s pretty nice too.

Food for thought. Time for dinner.

So this is another post from my iPod Touch. I like the little device. Useful when travelling and the like.

Anyway. So work was awful this past week. I helped my friend design his next pc and helped order the parts for it. I gave him my old LCD and got a 22incher for myself.

I love it.