Really? I always thought so until today.

I just picked up a Nintendo Wii and Mario Galaxies. (I hate that game, by the way.)

While chatting with my friends about why Bowser was always going after The Princess, I got to wondering why. I’d made a glib comment about how she looked good in a dress, and then realized I was right.

Bowser had been trying to force himself on The Princess for years.

He’s always kidnapping her and taking her off to his castle. Where he shoves her in a room all by her lonesome except when he decides to visit her.

What I’m saying is that Bowser rapes The Princess.

. . . And we show this to our kids without thinking twice about it.

Oh man I lololololed so much.

I guess this makes Mario the hero for all rape victims, though. He’s always saving The Princess from her rapist, always kicking his ass, and then always taking her home. All without ever being a dick to her for being raped. That’s totally awesome of him.

You’d think he’d have made her sign up for a self-defense class or something, though. Or maybe she’d have done so herself. I mean, geeze. She’s been kidnapped how many times over the past 20 years?

. . . Oh man. What if she likes it?!

You ever notice how when you try to do something nice and random and without real motive to a stranger, (or a near stranger) they always say it isn’t necessary?

Like you have some hidden fucking agenda for being nice to them. Apparently you have to want something from them these days to be friendly towards them.

Couldn’t be that you’re a bad person trying to do the right thing and maybe bribe your soul into believing that there’s something redeemable about you. Couldn’t be that you have a hard time looking at yourself in the mirror every morning because of your past, so you’re trying to change what you do in your future to make up for that.

No. Clearly you’re just being nice to get something out of them.

God I am really starting to think that I have done nothing that requires forgiveness.

What the fuck’s up with them not knowing how to say “no”, too? If they don’t fucking want it, why don’t people just say “no” instead of “It isn’t necessary.” Of course it’s not fucking necessary; that’s why it’s a god damned gift.

Ah fuck it all to hell. It saved me 200 bucks.

Am I really so angry all the time that everyone feels they can’t talk to me without pissing me off?

Really?

“I was never unhappy with you.”

Those were hard words to hear.

“You weren’t happy, though.”

Those were hard words to say.

So, lets get that other post off the top, shall we?

I have been watching Smallville a lot recently. I purchased all seven seasons on boxed set; they are a lot of fun.

I’ve been running through them faster than I expected, though. I’m already on Season Six. I bought the first few boxed sets two weeks ago.

What they’ve been doing with the creation of Superman is very well done in my opinion. I am going to be sorry to see the show start to decline/end. I adore Superman.

That title really isn’t accurate, I guess.

I’m listening to the song “Second Chance” by Shinedown.

Here are the lyrics

Anyway, I really like the song. Which could be because of the mood I’ve been in recently.

I imagine at some point I will change, but for right now I don’t think I have the strength, or energy, to make the changes in my life that I might need to make in order to become a better person.

It’s funny. Sometimes I talk to friends of mine, and they comment about how big of a jerk I am, and I can’t help but feel bad about it, because I know that nobody wants to be friends with a jerk. Nobody wants to be friends with someone they consider an asshole all the time.

I’m told by some people that, sometimes, it’s hard to be my friend. In the same sweeping statement, however, I’m told that people wouldn’t know how to deal with me if I were different. If I were nice. If I were, as one person put it, a “teddy bear”.

I find it really hard to connect with people on a personal level. Even the people I see and talk with daily don’t understand that I can’t manage a sincere connection with them and that I just go through the motions, for the most part. Obviously I care about them, but probably not to the level they would want.

Definitely not on the level they deserve.

My sarcasm gets me in trouble all the time. I pop off a quick-commented joke about something and it ends up offending people, either because they don’t understand that I’m joking, or it’s not something they feel like joking about. It is obnoxious, and I’ve been working on keeping that from happening.

I don’t want to lose my friends, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to, even if I change.

Empirically, any time I get close to a person in a more-than-casual way, they leave. Or they take that information and use it to stab me in the back.

I have a really hard time letting go of things, and to an extent, people. Especially the ones that I let get close to me. The ones that I let affect me.

The ones who have the power to break my heart are the ones that usually do, which is why I don’t let anyone get that close.

This post sounds really Emo, but I’m not sitting here typing this out in an attempt to get sympathy or pity. I’m merely verbalizing the internal monologue that I have going on inside my head all the time so that people who claim not to know me can know me a little bit better. Maybe it will provide an insight into who I am for the people who think they know me better than anyone else, too.

I’m not unhappy with my life as it is right now. I’m just trying to affect a positive change in my life by making a public statement wherein I recognize, at least in part, what some of my faults are. Hopefully this will charge me to change who I am, into a more positive person.

Assuming my actions are irreversible, and assuming she is gone. I will miss our friendship. I will miss her strength. I will miss the part of me she had. I will miss the fights, the arguments, The times she told me who she really was.

I will miss everything.

Assuming she is gone.

I think I makethe right decisions more often than I make the wrong ones. It isn’t really worth much if the wrong decision can destroy everything you want.
Of course, what you want now and what you want later are often two different things. In high school I was desperately in love (harhar) with a young woman. She is less than an afterthought now.
When you spend all your time fighting to get something,and you finally win it, how do you keep the fight from defining everything you are? Or, perhaps, the relationship? What do you do when you get what you fought for, and find that all you wanted was the fight? A friend of mine recently read me something that defined me to a T. I am afraid of who or what I might become.
Maybe it is time to rethink priorities. Or maybe just time to think at all.